A Story About Changing

I love beginnings. I always have. This is one reason, growing up, I embraced our moves from the city to the country then from the country to the suburbs and why I’ve moved myself. It is why my favorite part of every semester was the first week of classes and why I still get as thrilled as a kindergartener about every new friend. There are books whose beginnings I come back to time and time again: Life of Pi, Slaughterhouse Five, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay… Since May, I keep coming back to Through Painted Desserts. I never get further than the Author’s Note.

Through Painted Desserts is Donald Miller’s On the Road, it’s about the road trip that led him from Texas to Oregon. The Author’s Note is just about change, about the necessity of movement and growth, about embracing the word “Leave.” It is written very much like a letter. He ends with this:

“And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you…about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:

Leave.”    

I keep coming back to this chapter because I keep coming back to that word Leave. I feel like Vianne in “Chocolat”, compelled to move with the wind. Every time I feel like I’m about to settle down the wind changes, I must pack my bags and leave again.

I’m telling you this because the wind has changed again. After two weeks as a sales woman of office supplies, I’ve left that career path. I had a feeling that going to Grand Rapids for that business trip would make or break my career. Either I would get on a roll and really love selling, or I wouldn’t. In the beginning of the week I did pretty well. By Tuesday I only worked about a half day and got four sales that day (the average is about two sales a day). After having proven to myself that I could do that job, my motivation to do it failed me.

When you’re being paid off commissions, there is no point in keeping the job once you’ve lost your interest in it. If you aren’t sold on it anymore, you won’t be making any more sales. So I quit Friday. It was perfect timing because my parents need to use my car this week.

“It might be time to change, to shine out” keeps echoing in my head. Though I’m back to looking for a job, this time I’m only looking for part-time work. Another reason I wanted to quit was because that job was leaving me little time and energy to write (as you can even tell from how little I posted last week). That’s not what I want. As I said before, I’m serious about finally starting my career as a writer. I’m working on a book proposal now that I’m hoping to have finished by the end of next month (at the latest).

There were things about that job that did suit me well, like spending so much time interacting with people and being a saleswoman/promoter. I am looking for a part-time job that includes what did fit. Since I love fashion, and miss being Ben’s personal shopper, I’m considering looking into being a Wardrobe Consultant/Sales Associate (preferably for men’s clothing). It’s more satisfying to help a man find a great suit than it is to get someone a deal on paper (at least for me). I’m also considering ministry. Who knows where the wind will lead me.

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