Taking Applications for a Male Sidekick or Thoughts on Online Dating

Seeking:

Entertaining (i.e. witty), charming, intelligent male companion who is a great conversationalist. Preferably has good math skills but a greater interest in literature and is slightly but not overly flirtatious. Excellent music taste (with a preference for indie and alternative rock) is a must. Preferably has a good work ethic and Judeo-Christian morals. Knowledge of the works of Joss Whedon and slight interest in geeky-things a plus but not necessary. Photo required. Must be between the ages of 22 and 32. All applicants need to include with their application a list of their favorite books and current play list. All submissions will be treated confidentially.   

Creeps need not apply. This is not a romantic ad (though romance may be a possibility in the future if you play your cards right).

Before you consider applying, you should know that this ad is just in jest (well…mostly). I simply couldn’t resist composing it for this introduction.

A while back I saw an ad for a dating site called HowAboutWe… Intrigued by the name, I had to find out what it was about. Basically, it is a dating site that’s been structured to have a similar feel and look to Twitter. You post your profile and, most importantly, you basically tweet dates you’d like to go on (i.e. How about we go wine tasting at Howell’s Main Street Winery and see where the evening leads…) and hope someone else will be interested in the same thing. Frankly, I love the concept. Except that it’s a dating site.

Ever since leaving NYC, I’ve been on the prowl for another Ben, a male sidekick who could potentially evolve into a boyfriend. I miss having a guy who would randomly text me to invite me on an adventure or who would get me out of my apartment when I’m feeling blue or who I could con into escorting me somewhere I didn’t want to go solo.

Ever since my junior year of high school, I’ve almost always had a leading man in my life who I look to both for quality time and emotional support (even if it’s just giving me something else to think about or talk about when I’m feeling down). Though this has often led to complications, I can’t help but be on the lookout for another one (who lives within at least a 30 mile radius, preferably).

For a woman who has only gone on one official date, I’ve gone on loads of unofficial ones.Though I keep saying that I need to be done with ‘unofficial’ because it gets messy and I usually end up being the one getting hurt. Though I’m tired of men relegating me to the ‘friend zone’ and being unwilling to even consider renegotiate our terms when our relationship has obviously evolved, it’s hard for me to imagine a formula for relationships that I’d find more comfortable.

Before opening myself up to the possibility of being rejected by some guy, I want to know whether or not I’d actually want to belong to him. That takes time. I enjoy lots of people when I first meet them but then the novelty wears off and sometimes I realize there’s not even enough spark for a lasting friendship. On top of that, it takes me a while to evaluate how much I really like a person versus how much I enjoy being flattered by their attention and affection. Then we have to figure out if we can trust each other. If we’ll be comfortable confiding in each other. If he can handle how exhausting I can be and I can handle when he’s boring. Etc. Friendship is practically my screening process.

I’ve come to realize this is why online dating has no appeal for me. I really wouldn’t mind it if I could use those sites as a way to collect a pool of male friends from which a relationship could one day potentially develop (it’s pretty hard to even find men my own age around here) but it isn’t structured that way. Most people are hoping for romance from the start. I’m not. The idea of letting a stranger have the opportunity to reject me after one or two dates, before I’m ready to even make much of a conclusion about him (unless he’s really dreadful), is entirely unappealing to me.

What are your thoughts on online dating?

2 thoughts on “Taking Applications for a Male Sidekick or Thoughts on Online Dating

  1. I have to say I laughed out loud that good work ethic was a preference but good music taste a necessity! I know you’re kidding but I think that it relates the a bigger issue and I think the biggest one with dating sites. I’ve never used one but I understand the concept is to list off lots of words that relate to you and the computer finds other people with matching words. And the first things people list are their interests, likes, dislikes, etc. What gets lost is who you areally are at the core… the kind of things you learn after knowing someone for a while. You said that in the past you have really liked people and then your intesrest fizzled out. Maybe because after you had all the conversations about alt rock and joss whedon there were to have, there was nothing left. I would put a little less emphasis on likes and dislikes and a lot more one values like honesty, integrity, comassion and whatever else is important to you. And avoid dating sites. Whenever we are in the car and jack turns on metal (which I hateee) I just grin and bear it. Because at the end of the day he is my strength. I trust him explicitly. He is a wonderful father and provides happily for his family. He is honest and kind and protective of the people he loves. Which is so worth arguing about what movie to rent. Sorry this was so long. Just something important that I had to learn the hard way. You’re beautiful. Good luck.

  2. I have many times wished there was a site like that but for friendships. When you move to a new place or everyone you know moves away it is hard to meet new people. What do you say we team up and make one?
    Angel brought up good points though, especially about dating. You really get to know a person through a friendship better than dates. I’ve never been on a date; all my relationships started off as friendships that evolved. So I think you are going about it a good way, but I understand that its tough. You are brilliant and beautiful and some day, one of your friends will be smart enough to see that and he will fall completely in love with you. :)

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